


Who We Are

by glacis



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-27
Updated: 2010-01-27
Packaged: 2017-10-06 17:51:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glacis/pseuds/glacis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoilers for Fallout.  Daniel helps Jonas come to grips with nearly falling in love with a snake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who We Are

Who We Are, by Glacis.  No copyright infringement intended.  Rated NC17.  Spoilers for Fallout.

 

The return from Kelowna was almost anticlimactic.  Jonas stared down at the battered face framed by the canvas of the stretcher and tried very hard not to think.  Action, and reaction, without benefit of judgment, that was the way to go.  Prioritize to survive and deal with the fallout later.

Tripping through the wormhole was as familiar and welcome as a cold breeze in his face, chilling his feverish thoughts, chasing themselves in circles as they completely disobeyed his internal command to shut the hell up.  Frasier and her team met them at the end of the ramp, barking out orders as she poked and prodded and shone beams of light in Kyanna's... not Kyanna's... in the woman's eyes.

The woman he'd thought he was starting to build something with.  The woman who wasn't who he thought she was.  Wasn't the brilliant engineer, wasn't the shy girl with the sudden sparkling smile, hell, wasn't even human.

Just another snake taking over another innocent body to infiltrate and conquer.

Jonas was so damned sick of the Goa'uld he wanted to slaughter every single one of them.  Right now.  As violently and messily as possible.

Which didn't quite explain what he was doing sitting at the bedside of one, waiting to see if it would live or die, and actually, in a way he really didn't want to think about too hard, hoping the snake would live.

Because the snake, whoever she... it, damnit, whoever it was, was the part of Kyanna he had started to fall in love with.  And that left him perplexed.  Bewildered.  Betrayed by his own emotions, and angry with himself for all of it.

And waiting next to her bed to see if she'd come out of the coma.

Still, as he watched, he couldn't bring himself to touch her.  The lights had long since gone down in the infirmary.  The frantic activity of past hours had calmed to an alert watchfulness that relied more on machinery than personnel, so Jonas was essentially alone with her.  He perched on the stool he'd been perched on since finishing his debriefing hours earlier, and stared at the pale, scraped, oddly peaceful face of the stranger housing the Goa'uld pretending to be the woman he'd nearly fallen for.

_"Suddenly I repulse you? Not that long ago you felt differently."_

Her words echoed in his mind.  She'd reached out to him and he'd instinctively brushed her hand away before it could touch him.  Words burst from him without thought, pure reaction.  _That was before I found out who you are.  What you are._

_"Yet the fact remains, you never knew the host before I took her. All this time it was never Kyanna, it was always me."_

The frightening truth remained that she was right.

"They use you.  It's what they do.  You get attached.  It's who we are."

Daniel Jackson's quiet voice blended so well with the voices in his memory that it took a moment for Jonas to realize it was real.  He tilted his head, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Daniel, standing next to him, also staring at Kyanna.

Kyanna's body.

The parasite wearing Kyanna's body.

"Sounds like the voice of experience," Jonas remarked before his tired brain caught up with his tongue and he winced.  Of course it was.  If ever there was a man who'd been tangled up with Goa'uld, it was Daniel Jackson.  His late wife.  His ex-girlfriend.  Even the archeologist friend he'd brought into the Stargate program was taken.  And from what Jonas had read of the mission files, it wasn't just the Goa'uld; the Tok'Ra showed the same propensity for attraction to Daniel, if Anise was anything to go by.  "Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay," Daniel answered softly.  "It's difficult."

"It's stupid!" Jonas burst out, barely restraining himself from screaming.  "It's not like the Goa'uld took over my lover.  I never even knew the woman before the damned Goa'uld took her over.  I can't believe I fell in love with a Goa'uld!"

His words echoed a little against the metal walls, and he winced again.  "Ah, hell," he muttered.  "I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I got snared by a chimera."

"So why does it hurt to see her lying there like that?"  Daniel asked, although Jonas could tell by his tone it was a rhetorical question.  "Because it's not black and white.  The Goa'uld are master manipulators, and they know how to make a lie sound like the truth."  His hand lay heavy on Jonas' shoulder, the warmth somehow reassuring in the sterile surroundings of the infirmary.  "They also know just how to make humans give them what they want."

"She played me," Jonas said, the words more broken than bitter, and he sighed.

"Maybe she played you too well, and played herself, a little, too," Daniel said, squeezing Jonas' shoulder briefly.

"What do you mean?"  Jonas looked up at him, to see Daniel staring intently back at him.

"From what I heard at the debriefing, it sounded like she... felt something for you.  Goa'uld aren't known for too many emotions, other than sadism, and this one sounded somewhat confused by the whole situation.  Maybe that's why you're confused, too.  It felt real, because at some level, in some measure, it was, somehow, a little bit real."

Jonas thought about it, but his brain was already overloaded, and Daniel's philosophical arguments could make him dizzy on a good day, which this wasn't.  He shook his head, and nearly overbalanced off the stool, saved from landing on his ass only by Daniel's quick grab.  The heat of Daniel's arm around his back made Jonas aware of how cold he was, and the steady hold contrasting with his own unsteadiness made him even more aware of how tired he was.

"Think about it later," Daniel advised him.  "You're dead on your feet.  C'mon."  He didn't remove his support, for which Jonas was grateful, as he guided Jonas out the door into the corridor.  "We've got guest quarters with your name on them."

"Sounds great."  It did.  And it didn't.  Because he was beyond tired, but he was also wired, too wired to sleep.  When Daniel nodded to the SP who opened the door, Jonas found himself reaching out a hand to stop him from leaving.  "Um, you busy?"  Stupid question, he thought, but Daniel's eyes were understanding.  With a smile and a shake of his head, he followed Jonas into the room.

Once they were in and settled, Jonas couldn't think of anything to say.  Daniel didn't seem uncomfortable in the silence, which was a relief.  Before it stretched too long, Daniel gave him a half-grin and shrugged one shoulder.

"This is kind of like kel no reem with Teal'c.  Only no candles."

"Or symbiotes," Jonas noted, then bit his tongue.  So much for keeping the Goa'uld out of the conversation.

Daniel's expression sobered and he nodded, once, solemnly.  "Did you love her?" he asked abruptly.

Jonas answered immediately, "I didn't know her."

"Not Kyanna.  The one wearing Kyanna's body."

Put like that, it sounded so cold, so blunt... so matter-of-fact.  Oddly enough the question enabled Jonas to step back from the maelstrom of thoughts colliding around the subject and divorce his emotions from his logic.

"Not quite," he finally answered, the words coming slowly as he reasoned it out.  "I think I could have.  Given time.  But when I found out what she... what it was... it would have all felt like a lie."

"Even though the personality she showed you was, in fact, her personality, not Kyanna's?"  Blue eyes pierced through Jonas as Daniel probed gently, forcing Jonas to face what he'd been trying to avoid ever since he'd found out his would-be lover was a Goa'uld.

"Yes," he eventually conceded, "I never could have trusted her.  Even with the Tok'Ra, there's a tendency to manipulate, twist the truth for their greater good.  With a Goa'uld, in the end no matter how interesting she might have found me, we would be enemies.  Even if she thought she loved me," he paused for a breath, surprised at how much that hurt to say, "I'd be an anomaly to her.  Humans are nothing more than slaves to them, and can't be anything more."

"So it's just as well it ended before it could begin, then, right?" Daniel asked after a moment.

Jonas closed his eyes.  Maybe, but it still hurt.  He nodded.

"Doesn't stop it from hurting, though, does it?"

Daniel was suddenly much closer, so close his breath whispered across Jonas' cheek.  Jonas' eyes opened to see Daniel, beside him on the bed, eyes still intent, body still so warm, arm still as strong as it wrapped around Jonas' waist.  Jonas took a deep breath, then let it out on a sigh.

"You'd definitely know about that," he murmured, his voice feeling strangled in his throat.

"Yeah," Daniel answered as quietly.

"So what do you do about it?"  Jonas turned as he spoke, finding himself so close to Daniel now the other man's features were blurred.

"You forget it the best you can, and you keep going," Daniel told him, then kissed him.

It was different from kissing Kyanna, and that was all to the good.  It was gentle, undemanding, weirdly comforting.  When Daniel let him have his mouth back, Jonas said, "Best way I can think of to forget it," and kissed Daniel back.

It wasn't gentle.  It was hungry, a different kind of comfort, but comfort all the same.  His hands came up to cup Daniel's face, one sliding around the back of his neck to hold him close.  Daniel's arm tightened around Jonas' waist, shifting him closer as they deepened contact.  Daniel's mouth tasted good, like coffee and oranges, as it opened for Jonas' tongue.  Jonas let his eyes drift closed again, and concentrated on sensation.

It was more than enough.

Daniel's chest was warm beneath his, legs tangling together as they slid sideways onto the bed.  Jonas could feel Daniel's hands wander, lowering the zip on his shirt, peeling it back, roaming over his chest, down his sides, across his stomach.  Those hands were warm, too, and strong, and knew what they were doing.  Jonas moaned into Daniel's mouth, feeling his pants tightening uncomfortably, and came up for air, to see that Daniel's glasses were fogged up.

"Too many clothes," Jonas told Daniel, then carefully removed Daniel's glasses and placed them on the bedside table.  Daniel grinned at him, eyes sparkling though still so piercing they looked like they could see right through him.

Jonas shivered, then decided that was sexy.  Then he stopped thinking, as Daniel's talented hands slid the zip on his trousers down and pushed down his shorts in the same motion.  Jonas twisted to reach in return, hands bumping as they stripped one another.

It should have been awkward.  Should have had broken bits of conversation, stumbling questions or apologies, should have included some blushing and some second thoughts and some hint of 'what the fuck are we doing?'

It didn't.  It was easy, like touching himself, as natural as breathing.  Yes, hands tangled, and arms got caught in sleeves, and they laughed a little when trousers got wrapped around boots.  It was no less hungry, no less heated, and no less comforting for the reality of it.

Perhaps even moreso because of it.

By the time they were naked, Jonas knew the texture and taste of Daniel's skin, knew what Daniel sounded like when Jonas licked a sensitive spot, knew the way Daniel shook when that sensation was too intense to control, and Daniel knew the same of Jonas.  Their bodies slid together as if they'd been doing this for years, yet every touch, every bite, every caress was a discovery.

The breadth of Daniel's shoulders under Jonas' hands was matched by the strength of the muscles of his back, the softness of his buttocks, the length of his thighs.  The slick wet heat of his cock was bitter and sweet as it pressed over Jonas' tongue, and the warm suction of Daniel's mouth on Jonas was a perfect counter to Jonas swallowing Daniel.  Jonas ran his fingers down the length of Daniel's cock, curving under and gently massaging Daniel's balls as he sucked, wringing a moan from Daniel's throat that felt incredible around his own cock.  A hand slid between Jonas' thighs, pressing behind his balls, sending a jolt of pleasure through him, and it was his turn to moan around Daniel.

Jonas' free hand roamed over soft skin, sliding in the sweat rising on it as they moved together, until it stumbled across Daniel's fingers, caught between their torsos.  Their hands locked instinctively, anchoring them to one another as they moved faster, thrust harder, sucked as strongly as they could and eventually flew apart.  Daniel was first to tense, his fingers clamping like a vise around Jonas' hand, his mouth stilling on Jonas' cock as he keened, hips pumping helplessly as he came.  Jonas concentrated on swallowing, forcing his hips to stop moving as Daniel climaxed, then cleaning Daniel's flesh thoroughly with his tongue.

When Daniel caught his breath, he returned to sucking Jonas with enthusiasm, and it wasn't long before Jonas was thrusting as desperately as Daniel had, losing his control as he jerked against Daniel's hold, pouring himself down Daniel's throat.  Daniel milked him expertly, draining him, gentling him.  It had been so long since he'd done this, since anyone else had touched him, and his orgasm was so intense he grayed out.

By the time he was fully cognizant of his surroundings, Daniel had maneuvered them straight on the bed, their heads cradled on the pillows, and pulled a blanket over them.  The exhaustion Jonas had fought all night caught up with him, coupled with coming down from the adrenaline rush of saving his planet, the shock of finding out about the Goa'uld, and the endorphin release of the sex.  He was asleep before he knew it hit him.

The next thing he knew, someone was shaking him.  Jonas pulled his head out from beneath the pillow he'd burrowed under sometime during the night, and peered blearily up at Daniel.

Who perched, fully dressed, on the edge of the bed, holding out a steaming cup of coffee.

"Marry me," Jonas blurted, grinning like a maniac as he clamped both hands around the cup and inhaled deeply before taking a careful sip.  He looked up.  Daniel was looking at him like he'd lost his mind.  "Okay, maybe not, but this is the best I've felt in ages, so forgive my momentary insanity."

Daniel shook his head, returning Jonas' grin.  "It's the coffee," he told Jonas solemnly.  "I understand completely."

Jonas snorted into his cup, but wisely refrained from telling Daniel it wasn't just the coffee.

"You've got twenty minutes before gate-time," Daniel then told him, causing Jonas to choke on his coffee.  "So you'd better get moving."

Then he leaned forward, kissed Jonas over the coffee cup, gave him a grin and left the room.  Jonas stared at the closed door dazedly for much too long, before gulping the rest of his coffee and throwing his clothes on.  That kiss... he was still thinking about it when he caught up to Daniel in the corridor outside the gate room.  He licked his lower lip, watching Daniel watch him do it, then raised a brow, asking Daniel silently what that had been about.  Daniel gave him a lopsided grin.

"Getting past it," he answered the unspoken question, "and moving on."

One of the airmen called Daniel over, and Jonas watched him walk away, a grin of his own refusing to leave his face.  It made sense.  Comfort, and friendship, and distraction, and a good night's sleep.  He was going to miss this place.

These people.

Shaking his head, he wandered into the gate room and stared up at the Gate.  The first chevron locked, as Daniel walked in behind him.  Coming over to stand close enough that Jonas could feel his warmth, Daniel asked, "Do you miss it?"

An innocuous question that could cover a thousand sins.  Jonas decided to answer all of them.  "Yeah.  I do."  But it was time to move on, and thanks to Daniel, he could.

The gate activated, as Daniel leaned over and told him, "Well, judging by what you have to deal with back on Kelowna, I'm not surprised.  I think I'd take life-threatening danger over one of those council meetings any day of the week."

Jonas held back a laugh.  Barely.  "Yeah.  I don't know what Jack said to them, but they are being a little more cooperative."

Daniel gave him a sideways grin.  "Let's hope it lasts."

Sam and Kyanna came into the gate room then, and Jonas felt his nerves tighten.  Daniel moved imperceptively closer, and he found himself relaxing again.  He could do this.  "How are you feeling?" he asked Kyanna.

"Fine, I guess."  Her voice sounded different, unsteady, uncertain.  The woman, not the symbiote.  It was strange.  "I don't remember everything," she continued.  "It's like a dream."

More like a nightmare, Jonas thought, but before he could say it, Sam told them, "The symbiote's dead."

"She saved me," Kyanna added.  "She could have let me die with her, but she didn't."  She glanced over at Sam, then back to Jonas.  "I know you'll find this hard to believe, but she appreciated everything you did for her.  What you tried to do."

Not having any idea what to say to that, Jonas nodded, then tipped his head toward the now-open Gate.  "Time to go home."  He looked over his shoulder at Daniel.

Warm blue eyes stared back at him, and Daniel gave him an encouraging look.  Jonas reached up and patted his shoulder, hand sliding helplessly down Daniel's back, one last touch before he headed back to reality.  Then he squared his jaw, straightened his back, and headed up the ramp.

At the event horizon, he couldn't help himself.  He looked back one more time, and saw Daniel, arms crossed over his chest, smile playing on his lips, watching him in return.  Jonas smiled, dipped his head in acknowledgement, and stepped through the Gate.

The next few days were mind-numbingly dull.  Council meetings were held, recriminations were flung, and the surface amicability Jack had forced on the delegates quickly degenerated into snarling at one another, although it didn't ever get as far as declaring war, which rather surprised Jonas.  When he'd had as much as he could stand, he retreated to his lab.

Staring blankly at his computer, he thought over the past week, and found himself smiling.  With a little distance, Daniel's logic still ringing in his ears and Daniel's touch still lingering on his skin, he could put it all in perspective.  Kyanna wasn't the person he'd thought she was, but she might just be the one he needed.  He didn't really know who she was, and it was time to find out.

It wouldn't be quick, might not be easy, and he'd have to be the one to reach out because she certainly wouldn't.  He got up from his stool, powered down the computer, and went looking for Kyanna.  It was time to see what the future might hold.

END


End file.
